Tuesday, September 26, 2017

How you saved us Linkin Park



My name is Emily and I am a professional photographer and wanted to use my talent, to do something, to #makechesterproud.  So, I made a series of seven photos for how many albums Linkin Park has. I got inspired by the music videos, and tried to relate the pictures to them. These pictures might be depressing, but the message is uplifting. The only way to say #fuckdepression is to talk about Depression. Some people might say this is unprofessional to talk about your personal life, But if getting it out in the open saves a life its worth it. I want to show you visually what's it's like. When you can't seem to get out of bed in the morning, when you smile, instead of saying what's really wrong, when you're fighting with yourself and feel like breaking down, or at crossroads in life.    
Here is my story. I have struggled with depression all of my teen years and  Linkin Park came out with one step closer. They had screamed for me when I couldn't. I was just another depressed teen. But sometimes it ran deeper than that.  I liked to make the pain go away by cutting, and I didn't even cut normal place like my wrist. I did it on my shoulders, to hide it. I just wanted the pain to go away. But when I got LP's Meteora I stop cutting. Fast forward a few years. I never told anyone this, and now I'm putting this out there for the world to see.  I also have been on the brink of suicide. I had a bullet and a gun, and I had to dance with my demons that day.  I was going through the worst breakup of my life. I wanted to die on our bed that he had cheated on.  But Burn it down came on the radio, and I deiced to burn down the house instead. NEVER HAPPEN! But, Burn It Down did help me get my frustrations out. When you are so angry and hurt you do not think rationally, and I swear to God that the demons on the other side know, and are egging you on.  
Just know IT GETS BETTER. For me, it got a lot better. I found a passion I love, photography. I wanted to be Linkin parks photographer, so I decided to work towards that goal. I found a photography school called Brooks Institute. The deciding factor, some links got sent to me of what alums did. One of them had photographed Chester. And at that moment, hands down I'm going to this school.  Got to shoot MGK, Trapt, Puddle of mudd and a few others. I learned there's no money in concert photography so I decided to change to Fashion photography. My dream of photographing LP never died. I learned to love myself, be independent, and have self-respect. IF I had died I would have never known what lessons I learned from the breakup, get to attend an amazing school, found photography, and how much I loved, looking forward to the future. 
I got a lot of Stories thanks to @TalindaB re-tweeting me. But I could only choose seven.  To Go along with the pictures, here are SEVEN stories of Linkin Park fans, and how Linkin park helped them through their struggle. When they thought all was lost.  

Inspired by until its gone

Linkin park/Chester really helped me a lot. 2001 I was 11. I was in and out of hospitals a lot, doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with me so they decided it must be in my head. I remember laying in a hospital bed in pain getting sick, thinking maybe it is me. I can't stop it, how will this ever end? Fighting with myself. I just kept thinking this. Till I started thinking maybe if I ended it all, I'd finally be at peace I was 11, and thinking all of this.              But thankfully I had a cd called hybrid theory and I'd blast it through my headphones and I didn't feel alone anymore. This guy singing to me felt that pain and yet was saying I got this, I can fight it, so, I did. I carried on and finally got a diagnosis and medication that helped. I carried on listening to lp and going to many of the shows. Fast forward to now. I lost my mum a few months back and again, I was in that dark place yet there was Chester with the song One more light, telling me it's ok to be angry, it's ok to grieve because they care. Today I mourn Chester the man who helped me from a child into adulthood. He showed me no matter how bad the darkness is I need to fight through it and he and Linkin park will always be my light in the darknessSian howells


   inspire by papercut

How Linkin Park Saved My Life.
I was in a pit seeing nothing but black. Drowning in the emotions of everyone around me. A guy I called my friend used to call me repeatedly, telling me it was my fault he was cutting. He was lying but the demons in my head told me he was right. Everything was my fault; the world was better without me in it. All I did was hurt people. My mum and a friend noticed and tried to help me but they couldn't reach me.
        I discovered Linkin Park. Hearing Papercut for the first time, I instantly connected with the voice. So raw and full of emotion. I bought the whole album and listened to nothing else. It was the first time I did not feel alone. I could hear my emotions in Chester's voice. He understood my pain and I knew for the first time that my feelings were valid. I clung to his voice and those lyrics like a lifeline. That lifeline saved me more than once.
         I managed to drag myself out of that dark pit over time and the music of Linkin Park seemed to grow and change as I did.  Always seeming to fit perfectly with the challenges in my life. Giving me the strength to get through them. They are amazing human beings too. They genuinely care about other people and the positive was infectious. When I couldn't see the light, they sat with me in the dark and when the fog in my brain lifted, they showed me the sun. Losing Chester hurts so bad, but I know I'll get through. He showed me how.
 Sincerely
                          Annabelle


   Inspired by the Catalyst 

Inspired by The Catalyst
How Chester Saved Me
 Chester saved me when I lost everything, my house, my car, my kids. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I had always related to C the most cuz he made it feel so good to scream. His lyrics were my truth too. Always felt I didn't belong in this life, cuz things were never easy or good. I was giving up and decided I didn't want to live anymore. I walked down to the rocky lake and decided I was going to jump off the train bridge that ran high above. I was standing on the rocky cliff, about to take the next step onto the bridge...suddenly my phone in my pocket started blaring SOMEWHERE I BELONG. I was startled in the dark, all alone... my heart was racing so fast and my knees started to buckle, I had to sit. I started to cry. Sob is a better description. I laid on the edge and sobbed like I've never cried before. I sobbed about my 4 daughters, I cried about the sexual abuse, all the wrong I'd done, I cried for how emotionally exhausted this life has made me, this continued to the end of the song. My heart beating louder than the YouTube commercial now playing. Given Up started to play next. 
 I calmed down by this point, but he started to scream Put Me Out of My Misery, something clicked in me. He was hurting, pissed off, internally struggling to let go and forgive himself, and giving up on himself...just like me...but he wasn't. He was making music that let him scream it out. I began to scream with him, I felt empowered, understood. LP healed a piece of my soul with every scream and every guitar build up. I climbed down listening to all of my LP favorites while I made my way back to a friend's basement to sleep. I was inspired by Chester, so I started writing poetry and painting my feelings out...all while screaming along with Chester. It works way better than therapy ever did. I just wish he had found a chance to forgive himself.  Now...I have my babies back. We're struggling with finances but I always find a way...they are my heart and I owe them a better me, so I paint...a lot, and my 5, 8 and 12 yr old daughters sing his songs with me. HE made us a family again. I found where I belong. Thanks for the save that night, Chester. Xoxo   Sometimes...hero's don't wear capes, they wear tattoos and they scream for me when I can't-do it myself. Chester. Xoxo

Annoms


                                   Inspired by waiting for the end
  
My name is Dagmara. I'm from Poland and I'm 19 years old. My story with Linkin Park? It will be sad, beautiful and long. 
Since I remember I have to fight with myself. We all know that the family is the most important part of our life. But maybe not for everyone? 

I loved my Mom, Dad, and older Sister, of course, but I always felt different. My childhood wasn't really good. I'm filling in with one more family member, with my uncle. He is an alcoholic and he wasted my whole childhood. I always had to listen to quarrels and screams. 

If you know about Chester's demons from childhood when he was 6/7 years, I can tell you that I know this problem from my own experience. It was the beginning of my battle. Two years later I heard the Linkin Park song called "Numb". I loved it, but I didn't understand all the words. That was the first thing LP did for me. That's when I started learning the English language. I' wanted to understand their songs and conversations in interviews. 

It was only my childhood, but even bigger problems started when I went to my first School. Other students didn't like me. All through 6 terrible years, I felt alone and different. I stopped believing in myself-- but all those years I had LinkinPark. 
What does this Band mean to me? So... Linkin Park was like a shelter for me. They were my second family. 
I survived 6 years in that School even though it was like a hell for me. 

Then I started at a new School. It was terrible. But all that time, all 3 years, I had Linkin Park next to me. But I had to live in a reality. Someday I found how I could feel better. Because of that I can feel a lot of happiness and forget about my demons, at least. I started to go to concerts and performances. I was even in "The Voice Of Poland" as an audience 4 or 5 times. It helped me a little. People in my class laughed at me all 3 years. They said that I'm crazy or something like that. That was sad, because it was kind of therapy for me, but people saw only a fake smile on my face and they had no idea what I felt in my mind. This is exactly depression: outside happiness, smile, normal behavior-- but inside people with depression are slowly dying. I started doing it in 2012. Next 3 years were so hard but I found something that helped me. 

In 2015, I wanted to commit suicide. My mental health was on level zero. I had loved sports my entire life. I was training MMA and self-defense. It was another way for me to fight. But one day everything ended. I had a car accident. I thought that everything is ok, but a few days later I felt pain in my neck and spine. I went to the doctor and I heard that I had to stop sports. It was...it was the nightmare. When I wanted to give up, I thought of the Linkin Park song called "Robot Boy". I decided I fight. But it was not the end of my problems. I became addicted to pills prescribed by my doctor. It was not cool. This time I thought of the Linkin Park song called "Breaking The Habit" and I did it! I beat this addiction...for the moment. 

One of the most beautiful things in my life happened a few months later I had to call the Fire Department and then I understood my mission in this life. I've learned from Linkin Park that we have to help others. and trying to make this world better. So... since March 2016 I'm a firefighter volunteer and this is actually one thing that really brings me joy. I shouldn't really be doing that because of my health-- but I have to! Otherwise, I can give up at any moment. Yes, some people have hated me ever since I could remember, but I love people and I want to see smiles and happiness on their faces. 


20th July 2017 was for me like the end of the battle. This day my heart was broken, my motivation and strength was gone and all my demons seemed to come back. I lost a man who saved my life, who made me fight for what I wanted. From this day in my mind are the same bad thoughts. I returned to addiction from pills. But after official statement, I decided that I will keep fighting until I can do it. I started writing again. It helps me because often I write directly to Chester. It really helps me. 

I'd like to tell you that if you know some person who suffers from depression, don't ignore it! Often those people need only a lot of attention. Remember that outside everything seems ok but inside every single person with depression has their own battle. For me, for example, every single day is like a battle. At the end of the day I may have won, but the next morning the battle will start again. Remember that inside every person suffering from depression is someone crying for help.

Thank You! Stay strong <3 


    Inspired by breaking the habit and giving up 

My name is Kay and I've struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. My LP obsession started 7 years ago. Like most, Leave Out All the Rest was what got me hooked. I had heard about them from a friend and decided to give them a try.
 Being the broke grade school kid, I was, I got my iPod out and added the Linkin Park station to my Pandora account. The first song, I remember hearing of theirs was, in fact, Leave Out All The Rest. My life changed at the very moment. A light was shed, that I wasn't the only one going through the suicidal thoughts. Chester was about to describe how I was feeling when I couldn't. Leave Out All The Rest and The Messenger have been my go-to songs, ever since. My first tattoo was lyrics from Leave Out All The Rest and though I have many tattoos, it means the most to me and always will. I have a person in my life that is very important to me whether he wants to be or not, but the majority of our whole "relationship" is based off Linkin Park. He also has a Leave Out All The Rest tattoo. We would spend hours driving around with LP blaring and just talking about life. So, not only has LP help me kick depression ass almost completely to the fucking curb, but they have given me a great person that I'm glad to have in my life... even if it's super complicated �

With much love,
Kay.

     Inspired by Battle Symphony

I lost my sister to suicide in December of 2014. I will never forget the phone call when I received the news. She was a mother to four beautiful children. She was my sister, best friend, and a once in lifetime person to me. We had so many plans together for the future and I am still learning how to live my life without her. My sister was the best person I have ever known. From someone who has dealt with depression first hand please reach out to someone for help. Things can and will get better.   You can choose not to end your story. ;)

Annomis 

                            Inspired by One more light and Chester 







Thursday, October 20, 2016

thoughts

I'm inspire, so rap along with me, thinking this life is spriling, feeling exposed but finding my self, I'm better than I used to be to, I'm a born tiger, fire in under my ass, I'm about to roar my ass off, , I just need some rock start to touch these lips, and to let me,start thinking of running the streets, let the night burn t, let the stars burn, so I can led up to the lord, while he bends over us, watching and letting men destroy us and take our virginity, with guns on the wall, I;m to scared to stop fighting, for the love being in flames,,,I'm just the little one, I'll turn it over to the real one
a place that used to be be grand, has lyrically a story to tell, to make Eminem mind a movie would probably be iellagle,
A place that used to be grand has lyrically a story to tell, to make Eminem mind a move would probably be iellagle, to show what he thinks, can only make baby put nigh nich nails through there eye lids, thinking life I'll just disapear. but standing back up and saying I"M NOT DONE YET, I've got a hole lot more story to tell, I'm still young. and even thought "I'm the only girl in the group, I wear it with pride, I've got photos to spill, my roommates to bill, and Britney to kill,.

I'm tired.

I'm tired,

I'm tired of listing to these professional bullshiters,
I'm tried about hearing how its one hell or the other.
I'm tired of feeling put under presser of voting for someone I don't want.
I'm tired of living by these lies,
I'm tired of feeling like I can't say what I feel because people will fight back with discrimination, or hate words.
I'm tired of having to bit my tough.

I still don't see you're side.
Believe me I've tried.
All I see is erased emailed.
no hard facts, and conspiracy theories

I'm tired of fighting, just twist everything everyone says ever. And if you win a case, they just say something like oh you don't get it, or come at you with racism or blah blah blah. this is my experience. that's why I try to stay out. but I couldn't not say what the facts were.but some how they twisted words, and made it sound how what they wanted to hear. I raise my hands in silence I give, I give up, because I know he won't win. But I truly feel sad. for those with an ear for believing professional bullshiters, and I can't even say his name because I won't play that game. I'm ready to turn off, and turn away from those who think a sex offender belongs in the white hose. a lose cannon, an itchy trigger finger. who tweets like a 13 year old girl.


Best lyrics of Eminem, CONSIDER ME A DANGEROUS MAN BUT YOU SHOULD BE AFRAID OF THIS DANGEROUS CANDID. You say trump don't kiss ass like a puppet.  because he runs his own campaign with his own money and that's what you wanted. A f@*king loose cannon with his hand on the button.and  doesn't has to answer to no one...."GREAT IDEA."

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Rrhyming away

I used to let my self expression flow though these words, of a touched soul,
but now I find myself keeping forward in different ways, though the eyes of a machine, that can only see what I tell it, of beauty and bazaar, A world I can make up, or tell the truth. but now "I only hide in once was used to be.
so tell me, what how did you used to be
Used to be chill, zero fucks given...pent up aggression, lay dormant and hidden

to busy?
Minds just not in it
Too much in shock at the loss of innocence, like caveman chalk played out, with donkeys tryin' to fuck the elephants.
loss of innocence, are we rhyming, or did I miss something?
Thought that's what you were doing.
the heart can be fickle my friend, must stay in the game, or we will lose our innocent imaginations...to see a child and not remember what it was like...to play games that we could only see. must hold on tight.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

I can Still feel you

I can still feel you...
I can still feel you, wrapped up in your arms, around me so tight. I miss your body against mine. Every time I feel you around me, I let go, It happen the very first time we met. I laid my head against your chest, and everything was gone. 
No worries, no pain, no harm could come to me if I was in your arms. I could fall deep asleep in five minutes, My body relaxes, and forgets about stress. 
I can still feel you...you made me feel like I was on could nine. For a moment, there was just pleasure. I couldn't control anything, but it was OK because I was in your arms. Maybe it was because a mix of things. But I can still feel you. I love being in your arms, I'm not sure you have the hole idea of what you do to me. 
If you ever read this, I'm sorry to put this on you, but I needed to express what I feel for you.

There are only three men, who can make me feel like you do. Each in there own different ways. You wolverine, make me feel safe and I forget for a moment what stress it. Like you said we have a connection, and if we have met at a different time in our lives, we might have been together.  

My second man, Purple eyes, You make me feel wanted, and safe, you were I think my soul mate. But fate has a funny way of playing around, and letting us meet at the wrong time. I wish I had had a few more months of bliss with you. 

To the third, I think you know who you are, you like to cuddle as much as I do. Of cores I feel safe and secure, that's what you do. I like it when your happy, You warp me up in your arms, and all I want to do is rock back and fourth. Lets take a break from life, let there be no drama. Why get mad over the silly little things. you make me feel like I'm the only girl in the room. You wrap your arms around me, and all I see in your eyes is happiness. But life has taken to much of a tole. You don't have time for me, and put me last on your list. I wanted to be with you, to be happy. But I deserve better than being on the bottom. I hope you find a girl that you will want to make number 2. She will be lucky, because you will treat her like a queen. 

I can still feel all of you, warp up in your arms. 

Hello to Everyone.

This is my new blog, because I can't find how to get my old one But I think it might be time for a change. I'm doing photography now, and I'm posting tons of pictures on my Facebook, tumbler, and more. IT's easy to find me search out Emily-Sphotogarphy, or Emily Snellphotography. The first part of my blog was all creativity, with mostly poems. This will be too, but I will try and include pictures. Mostly pictures I take. It will be obvious what pictures I have taken and not taken. Welcome to my new blog and I hope you like my work.